College Sucks and This Hurts
by IoElijah
Summary: I thought of you and where you'd gone... Brittana oneshot.


**This started off as a drabble and grew and grew, but I don't think it's long enough to be a one-shot so idk? Just see what you think.**

**I wrote this and cried. Sobbed. But hey, they say write about what you know.**

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She held her. Her breath was shakey, like it had been all morning. They ate breakfast in almost complete silence, Santana making Brittany a strawberry milkshake just how she liked it. She thought it might make the day hurt less, but it didn't.

Her bags were packed, and the last of her clothes had been folded up and zipped away that night. Little things had been packed that morning, and on top of Santana's backpack lay a thick, multicoloured book of memories, constructed by Brittany. _Any time you miss me you have to read through this and think of good things like going to the beach or eating hotdogs._ Santana had laughed and thanked her, and then they had cried for a while.

Brittany was hurting a lot, and it hurt Santana to watch. She had come into her room that morning from the shower to find Brittany sat on the bed, cross legged, and already fully dressed. She was smiling, but her eyes were puffy and glazed over. "Don't go." She had said.

Santana's train left at 11, and they had woken up at 5am. It was raining and thundering and somehow, though they had already forgotten why exactly, the girls had fallen into a laughing fit. The lightning flashed and the girls whispered in hysterics, cackling at who knows what. If faded, though. After a while they shuffled close and felt each other's skin, and their eyes copied the clouds as the tears fell. At 7:15 the alarm on Santana's phone started, and Brittany screamed. She choked and sobbed and gripped Santana's shirt. She cried_ NO _at the tops of her lungs. _Not yet, don't take her yet. Please._

After breakfast, and after the last of everything was packed away, Santana said a long, slow goodbye to her mother. They let out a few tears, and clung to each other for a long time, but her mother was far too excited for her child to stay sad for very long.

They walked to the car, loading it with suitcases. "Bye, house." Santana said with a feigned smile. It was sunny outside.

Her mother waved them off down the drive, and the car ride was once again spent in silence. They knew that if they tried to speak, even just a little, the sadness would burst out of them and they would have no control over it- or themselves. The girls held hands across the car seats, and Santana watched out of the windows as she drove, silently saying goodbye to everything she knew.

Santana parked the car, and as they unloaded the bags from the trunk, they took extra time to remember where it was parked, just so Brittany knew where to look on the way back. Sad music was banned for the drive home. Brittany would get too upset and too distracted, and the last thing they needed today was a car crash. They walked with their hands gripped tightly together, the circulation being cut off from their fingertips.

And now they stood, trembling in each other's arms, waiting for the train.

"I think it's going to be here soon." Santana whispered, holding Brittany's head next to her own. The board was flashing, and she knew that any minute now her train would pull in.

Brittany simply shook her head. "No." She moved away, taking a deep breath. Her face was blotchy and she gulped over and over; it only took one look into Santana's eyes to make the blonde break. "Santana..." She drifted off, throwing her arms around her girlfriend. Santana hugged her back, listening as Brittany muffled something into Santana's body. It was incoherent, and Santana stroked the back of Brittany's neck, hushing her gently. Santana didn't want cry too much, she wanted to be strong for Brittany.

"You promised you'd never leave." Brittany said around the lump in her throat, pulling back to press their foreheads together.

"Britt," Santana clung tighter. "Please, I have you. I'll always have you." She did everything in her power to stop from crying, and it was not working.

"Just... just come to the car and we can drive to the city." Brittany stammered, trying anything to stop this. "We can drive to the hills or... or all the way to the beach. Please."

Santana shut her eyes, shaking her head. She wanted that more than anything. For a moment she wondered why she was even bothering to go to college. Why would she leave this? She had everything she needed right here in her arms. Her eyes opened a crack, seeing the board over Brittany's shoulder. There was another minute to go. A voice echoed through the station, letting everyone know that the next train was approaching.

"Britt, I've got to get my bags together." Santana said calmly.

"No." Brittany repeated. Her gaze was begging as she watched Santana desperately. _Don't do this!_ She wanted to scream. _Stay!_ But all she could make were whimpers. Frantic nothings were whispered as Santana got ready to leave. "But what if you've forgotten something? What if I find some of your dark bobby pins?" Brittany choked out.

Santana chuckled a little through her tears. "Baby, I have tons of bobby pins."

Brittany's voice cracked. "But what if you need more?" She sobbed into Santana's shoulder, puling her close again. "I don't want to do this without you. I can't. Don't make me." Santana tried to hush her again, although it was too late. Santana succumbed to the wave of sadness, and her damp cheek brushed against Brittany's.

"We're going to be okay, I promise. I'll see you soon."

"When? You can't come and go, I can't do this all again." Brittany gasped through her tears.

"I'll be right back here in your arms before you know it." Santana stared into Brittany eyes with all the confidence in the world. "One more kiss?" Brittany complied, and their lips connected messily. Far too many tears got in the way for it to be romantic, and yet they kept kissing. "I have to go." Santana hiccuped. Another sob ripped through Brittany. She clung on as tightly as she could, and her heart started panicking as the train was announced at the platform. "I will be right here again soon."

Their grip loosened, and for a second their hands hovered together, grasping on one last time.

"Don't forget me."

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**Old memories will never stop hurting.**

**Leave a comment, let me know what you thought. I'm planning on starting a much larger story soon. Thanks guys.**


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